Can You Ever Stop Loving Someone After a Relationship is Over? No.

If your love was real, you never stop loving them.

If the other person ever meant anything to you, you always will feel something for them. Even if it ended bitterly, there will be a residue of feelings. That’s just how love works.

As much as I wish my heart had an on/off switch and I could just go on with my life, ending loving feelings for someone has never been that easy. It is like a funeral “In loving memory of…..” because in the end it’s just the memories of both the good and the bad that stays long after the love is gone. Emotions are complex, when a relationship ends there is an undefined part of you that stays with that person no matter what. Perhaps because at one point in your life he/she is what makes you WHOLE.

But put quite simply, the person you loved, (still love?) doesn’t really exist anymore except inside your head and your heart. What we truly mean when we say, “I still love Him/Her” is that we love OUR MEMORY of that person and that love.


No Two People Are “Meant” To Be Together!

This is BS and a fairy tale!

Of all the relationships I have been in, there have been three that lasted over at least 2 years. In all three relationships, I felt something special with them, respectively. I mean, obviously, because if you spend that much time with somebody, it’s evident that you have a connection or else you would have never spent all that time with them in the first place.

In all three of the relationships I mentioned, I felt like (at one point or another) a future was ensured. I really hurt one of the guys and I’ve really regretted doing it ever since, because he was a great catch and has went on to do amazing things in his life (I have him added on Facebook). I made some bad choices based on trying to make another person in my life happy and trying to acquire their approval so much so that I sacrificed my relationship with him in the process. My relationship with him was virtually perfect and flawless before I messed things up. I believe he and I could have had an incredible life together.

Things just didn’t work out with the two other guys, but they were great, too. I will always have a love for all three of them, because like I just said, if you spend that much time with somebody and share a love that lasts that long, you will feel it in you forever.

However, I don’t believe in this idea that two people are simply “meant” to be together!

I could say that about all three of the guys I just mentioned, especially the one I hurt!

That fable assumes our fate is predestined, which is BS! Any decision we make, anywhere, before a given situation develops can completely alter that situation as can any decision another person makes or any development we react to.

I Think My Boyfriend Has Commitment Issues

Do any of my dear readers want to help me out or diagnose a situation? I sure could use your help! My boyfriend who I’ve been dating for the better part of this year is extremely aloof and noncommittal over certain aspects of our relationship. He’s wonderful, virtually perfect as a man, but I want more. I have this fear that he is never going to fully commit to me. Even though he hasn’t stated it, I think he’s still not over his ex. She lied to him, cheated on him and led him on for years of his life. I have no idea why a dumb bitch like that would lead on a perfect man like him. That’s awful. But sometimes I feel like he’s completely broken. Am I just the rebound? If any of my readers can offer me some sound advice, that would be wonderful!

Another 5 A.M. Poem

My emotion is tired

My emotions are tired

It’s 5am

And the reason why

I am still awake

Has gone to sleep

The reason why I

Am still here

Has left me.


Someone I know

Doesn’t know

How to sleep.

His night begins

At 4am

As everyone else’s

Draws to a close.

His night begins

With birdsong

Draped like fairy lights

Over a brilliant pale sky

And I can’t condition my eyes

To stop watching.


You don’t want to miss it.


Someone I know

Doesn’t know

How to sleep.



I understand.

So, I Finally Read Fifty Shades of Grey

by Rebekka Roderick

Meh. That about sums it up. This is mainstream smut, erotica, and really nothing more. Hardly a ‘book’ itself.

I’ve questioned the author’s writing skill and if her publishers decision to publish a book that began as fan fiction was wise or not. Was the book badly written? No, but it was rough. E.L James is not a bad writer. She has bad habits that could have been fixed with a good editor.

The first page was probably the worst page in the whole book. Never EVER start a book with a character staring in a mirror brushing her hair. Why? It’s fucking boring. And it’s a poor way to describe their appearance. It’s called telling not showing. The book is written in first person. Ana is telling the story. Ask yourself this: how often do you focus on your own appearance in your head and think to yourself “Oh, my shoulder length brown hair is being uncontrollable!” You don’t. This is something I’ve learnt in writing. Yes, describe your character’s physical appearance. But ask yourself this: one is it really important to the story and two how can you do it in a way that doesn’t come across as boring and cliched?

James repeats a lot of words and phrases throughout the book. This is an easy thing to slip into when you’re writing. Writing is hard and despite what some stupid TV programs might say, not everyone can “do it” like there’s no skilled involved. When you write a 300 page novel you will repeat certain phrases and sentences. You will probably not even be aware that you are doing it. A good writer will go back in edits and notice these mistakes and delete them. James did not and all of those “Holy craps!” and “Inner goddess” moments got really, really tiresome.

The plot. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book with a thinner plot before and I read Mary Janice Davidson’s “Undead” series. The “plot” of the book is Christian Grey tries to convince Ana to sign a contract allowing him to engage in rough sex. That’s it. In between the pages and pages of fucking he slowly takes over her life and this is what i found most disturbing: started to frighten her. Christian Grey reminds me of a guy that was fucked over by a once-loyal girlfriend that turned into a raging lying, cheating slut, and he’s turned into a power freak from the effects of what she did to him.

Yes, that’s right, Grey is so controlling, his temper so thin, that in several scenes Ana is actually afraid to be around him and is brought to tears a couple of times. He doesn’t just like rough sex, he wants to control her entire life and beat her when she displeases him not for sexual pleasure but to make him feel good as a control freak.

This was the biggest problem I had with the book. People are calling this a romance. Fear should not be in a romance novel. You should not FEAR the man in your life. You should not have to ask him NOT TO BEAT YOU.

This book has outsold all 7 of the Harry Potter novels. On one hand I want to go “Hooray! People are reading! This is good for erotica!” (I love erotica, but I prefer Literotica, Lush Stories or XNXX, honestly), but mostly I just want to sigh, shake my head and throw the book away.

This book is not worthy of the height of fame it has achieved. It is not terribly written but it is not great either. JK Rowling’s books were a master piece and deserved every penny they earned. E.L James has been lucky. Her book still reads like a piece of fan fiction. A good piece of fan fiction…yes…but still fan fiction. It is popular for one reason only: that it began as Twilight fan fiction.

It is a freak show. People are buying this book not because it is well written but because it has become so popular and they want to see what it is all about. In twenty years time what books do you think I’ll still have in my bookcase? Harry Potter or…this?

For the whole factor of the BDSM thing is a damn joke. That is NOT BDSM at all. It’s just a little kink in the bedroom!!!!

For the fact its three books is a joke, because this is all written in the mere matter of months, and all this happened is stupid. You meet a boy, you like a boy, you submit to boy, top the boy, kick the bdsm out all together, break up, get back together, fight, ignore each other, car chases, kidnappings, attempted (unspeakable), crazy exes, overly rich man, blue collar girl, let’s not forget she’s a virgin, of course. The sex isn’t bad, but the odds of a couple orgasming together every single time together at the same time, is impossible. Everything was Oh my, Oh god. That was also a bit dumb. And very comical.